Sunday, November 28, 2010

My Take on Santa

Santa Claus is a vandal and a pervert who spreads lies and materialism in the form of fraudulent gift boxes stuffed by undernourished sweatshop workers.He must be found and stopped at all costs. Let us blow him out of the sky such that his organs splatter across three counties, and the reindeer crash in a great heap—all lying on top of each other: Dasher on top of Dancer on Prancer on Vixen on Comet on Cupid on Donner on Blitzen.

Thanks to Patrick Proctor for the image.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Pie Day: The Day Before Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving and Pie Day to all my readers (All three of you).
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It's my thing to make the pumpkin pie this time of year. It has secret fame. It is less pumpkin pie, however, than its pumpkin flavored pie, what with all the eggs and cream and sugar that's in it. Seriously, does pumpkin taste good on its own? No. That's why we make pies out of it.

This pumpkin pie took me 6 hours and 45 minutes to make. We ran into issuesI and a friend who were making 2 pies today. I thought I had enough flour. I was sorely mistaken. We had to navigate past the other schmucks who illy prepared for Thanksgiving.

Once back in the kitchen my friend knocked out 2 crusts. I ruined one, and he ruined the other.

Finally, though, the pie became a success.
I had a cool Pie Day